Puckrik on Perfume

Katie Puckrik ON Sep 18, 2009 AT 12:54 pm

Katie Puckrik: Photographer Martin Shaw

Katie Puckrik: Photographer Martin Shaw

Juicy Couture Couture Couture
By Katie Puckrik

I’m obsessed with Juicy Couture. Or more accurately, with the women behind Juicy Couture. Pamela Skaist-Levy and Gela Nash-Taylor, two self-described “wacky thrift shop girls”, started their pink-tracksuit-with-arse-script empire in 1996 and now find themselves with a multimillion-dollar business. Or as the creation myth on the Juicy Couture website has it: “Once upon a time…there were two nice girls who liked stuff. Juicy Couture swept the land and they lived happily ever after.” Have they ever.

Juicy Pamela says, “We have infused the brand with us: with love, happiness, colour.” Well, that’s just precious! And so are their Marshmallow Peep-bright magazine ads, depicting a Breakfast Club prom gone wild at teen queen Marie Antoinette’s Versailles.

Then there’s Juicy Pamela and Juicy Gela’s flossy-to-the-max lifestyle, which I’m now an expert in, after drooling over the recent spreads in Vogue and the New York Times Magazine. Did you know that Pamela lives with her TV director husb in an art-filled Hollywood mansion once owned by Eva Gabor? And that Gela’s married to the cute bass player from Duran Duran, and has an 15th century mansion in England complete with Elizabethan furniture, croquet lawns, and peacocks. Peacocks, people! Just wandering around!

When Gela isn’t munching on Parisian macaroons or riding her dressage horse around her 15th century grounds, she takes refuge in her dove-gray salon with her collection of Hermès gloves.

Juicy Couture Couture Couture

Juicy Couture Couture Couture

“When I’m really stressed,” she explained to Vogue, “I come in here and organize my gloves, and I feel so calm.”

Now that’s therapy. Who needs a shrink when you have a collection of Hermès gloves in your dove-gray salon? Do you think the cute bass player from Duran Duran would notice if I tied Gela up in the broom closet and discretely took her place? If I lost 25 pounds, I could even fit in all her clothes!

Basically, Juicy Katie wants to be new best friends with Juicy Gela and Juicy Pamela. But there’s just one thing: I don’t want to smell like them. Those Juicy Couture perfumes hurt my eyes. They’re so bright and shrill, so desperately in need of shade. They need a dove-gray salon to organize their gloves in and chill the f out.

I know these wildly popular perfumes are aimed at 13-year-olds, but do they have to smell like red candy mixed with pink candy mixed with purple candy? Turned up to 11? Well, yes, if you read the fun slogans on their magazine ads: “Be Loud”, “Go Overboard”, “Make a Mess”. But those are words to live by – not to smell by. After  (the perfume) Juicy Couture’s shriek-y, blinding-white florals and Viva La Juicy’s caramel-coated fruit-loop detergent musk, I was so hoping for nasal redemption in the shape of JC’s newest offering, Couture Couture. Something that reflected Pamela and Gela’s secret sophistication, their love of fine art and English eccentrics. Something that wasn’t what it is: an even-Steven, let’s go halvsies, 50-50 blend of Juicy Couture and Viva La Juicy.

Sigh. I guess I’ll be waiting a little while longer for my invitation into Gela and Pamala’s Juicy world. In the meantime, I’ll just be organizing my socks.

Info & stockists: http://www.juicycouture.com/
More of Katie’s perfume rants & rambles at KatiePuckrikSmells.com

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