Asses Milk

Chrissy ON May 23, 2013 AT 9:21 am

Global Rant by Chrissy Iley

This weekend my mother was restored to her favourite cream – Clinique’s Repairwear. My mother has good skin for her age due to a regime of regularly moisturising with decent products. Like me, all her life she’s been a fool for a magic cream that makes her feel lifted, firmer, younger, happier.

Clinique Repairwear Laser Focus Serum

Imagine what it symbolised when she’d run out of Clinique and instead of a trip to Fenwick’s to stock up she’d ordered a cream from some junk mail that promised £50,000 prize money if you kept ordering their products which they made great claims about their purity and wonderful properties.

They have been exposed many times as prize draw scammers yet they still persist.

What does it mean when my mother ordered from Vitamail Asses’ Milk Cream? Wrong on so many levels.

She also ordered something else from the company which they said they didn’t have in stock so they sent her something else – Shampoo with Asses’ Milk. She didn’t want the asses milk shampoo, but there it was.

Anxious to know the contents of asses milk and its so-called ‘natural properties’ I looked at its ingredients which were mainly aqua, and dozens of other things ending in ….ate as in laureate and a few yls. Basically a bunch of chemicals.

Curious to know what asses milk shampoo smelt like I opened it. Then I gave a smell test. Fairy Liquid and asses milk. Can you spot the difference? Fairy Liquid smells slightly more natural.

It was a horrible thought that my mother who had been so precise with her beauty regime all her life had descended to this cheap and horrible cream in the belief that it had some kind of magic exotic ingredient.

But what’s worse is her belief that she was going to win thousands of pounds. A quick check through her post and there are about 50 Vitamail letters promising rewards if only you’d buy one ore thing, clearly manipulating with their all invasive marketing tactics.

I put a huge pile of them in the post saying ‘return to send. You are wasting paper, energy and the postman’s time if you send these again.’ The postie was about to empty the box and he just laughed at me saying it won’t do any good but it might make you feel better.

The point is the horrible cream and cynical tactics of Vitamail is not going to make anyone feel any better.

In the cold light of day my mother knew she’d been taken for a fool. She was embarrassed, but explained, ‘They kept saying if I bought one more thing I might win money. As I’d already bought so much I thought I may as well.’

Vitamail made me very angry with their low quality products and their low marketing ploys. They certainly did nothing for my mother’s self-esteem or skin.

She is now reunited with her Clinique and with some Estée Lauder Advanced Timezone Cream for good measure. The postman’s not happy though. I’m now making a habit of making sure that everything from Vitamail gets dumped back on their doorstep.


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